“In an interview in the 70’s, Marvel comic icon and creator of the “X-Men” franchise, said he based the “X-Men” off of black people in the 60’s civil rights movement. “X-Men” was about a group of people with special abilities that are hated for it. He said the “Magneto” character,…
I’ll be honest, once I figured out what this book was about, I didn’t want to read it. I didn’t want to read about how to fix myself so someone could love me right. I didn’t want to revisit all my past heartbreaks, and issues and, ugly moments to figure out what I did wrong. Besides, I consider myself in a great place personally and spiritually, so I’m chillin’ lol. And I’m in the kind of love that I know is right, so sorry Ms. Iyanla Vanzant, I don’t think I need you right now. But just off the fact that someone whose intellect I admire suggested this book, I was going to read it. I’m glad I did.
The books is, In the Meantime- Finding Yourself and the Love You Want, by Iyanla Vanzant. What I understand the, “meantime,” to be is the period between the moment you realize you’re not getting the love you want until you finally get it. She compares the journey between those points to cleaning a house from basement to attic. Each floor represents a shift in your thinking, and consequently, a shift in the way you approach getting love. I dont want to get too specific, for people that still want to read the book (hint hint, wink wink), so I’ll tell you what I took from the book.
I like the fact that Vanzant laid out a road map, because trying to navigate through love and emotions can be very unclear. Each time you move up a floor, you left the last one knowing better how to deal with what is going on with yourself. She emphasizes taking accountability for yourself and the kind of energy and experiences you allow in your life. Vanzant operates off the premise that you are the only person that can control how you experience love. Your feelings are never anyone else’s fault. In the meantime, you go on a journey from feeling sorry for yourself and unloveable to knowing that you need to work on some things but not knowing how to work them out, to figuring out how to work them out, to practicing how to work them out, to having it down packed and being in a balanced place in your life and love. All you have to do to allow yourself to clean one floor and move to the next is be completely willing and even more honest about what you feel, where those feelings came from, and what you do in response to those feelings. All the while you must forgive yourself for ever feeling bad about anything you’ve done or are doing and just let yourself explore life. Stuff is gonna hurt, and be uncomfortable, and you’re gonna do some silly sh*t lol, but whatever happens needs to happen to propel you forward. Recognize that, and just keep it pushin’. This process happens to everone on some level and there’s no way to be perfectly resolved. But you can get to a point where you’re happy with the life you lead and your life is a reflection of that love you realized you weren’t getting a while ago.
The book didn’t make me feel like I had to follow the author’s steps to reach some unattainable standard of self love. It allowed me to ask some serious questions of myself while reminding me that whatever my answers were, they were right and ok. It allowed me to explore some things that I thought were just fine, or that I just unhappily had to deal with, and make them work out better and in my favor. I did a lot of thinking about things that I considered mistakes; I now feel like I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done. Vanzant also gave real examples of people going through their meantimes and that made me feel even better aboout my process. I left this book feeling like I gained valuable tools for enjoying myself, my life, and my love. And though I already felt good, I felt better.
I most definitely recommend this book for anyone in any stage of anything lol. If you’re having trouble with, or curious, or whatever, about getting into a serious, loving relationship, you will read this book and know that it will happen, you’ll know how to recognize it, and you’ll be happy with everything that happens until you get there. If you’re peachy keen and everything is right with you, you’ll read this book and know how to cherish what you have, know how to get back up when you slip, and be humbled and honored by the process that got you to where you are. Its a feel good book, that does not leave you empty handed, confused, or lower than you felt before. So thank you Ms. Iyanla Vanzant, I dig what you’re saying.